Hi my name is _______________ and i am a recovering Perfectionist

I have been feeling the need to write about this for awhile, sort of as a cleansing admitting thing. I am hoping that by sharing my feelings, that i can get over this thing a bit.

You see, i kinda have this problem.

It is called Perfectionist Syndrome. At least that is what i am going to call it.

If you have ever ground your teeth at night because you went to bed with a filthy house and it's driving you crazy? Then you have PS.

If you have ever just gotten done mopping your floor and your exhausted husband walks in the door and does not remove his boots and you want to kill him over a little dirt? You have PS.

If you stay up late for weeks in a row and work at home after you get off work just so that everything that has a place is in its place and you have a clean house, clean laundry and clean dishes and you are so tired you can't even move and yet you keep going? Then you have PS.

If you feel an insatiable need to not only have a spotless house, etc, but to do your job perfectly ALL THE TIME, do your marriage perfectly ALL THE TIME, and then still feel the need to make goodie plates, feed the homeless, write thank you notes and Get Well cards, do some crafts, surprise your husband with little thoughtful notes and gifts, make homemade meals, make homemade gifts, keep in touch with all your friends and family by calling, texting, etc REGULARLY, do every one of your child's birthdays PERFECTLY, have a perfectly manicured lawn and flower beds, clean car, clean husband, clean kids, clean clothes, dress in style, always have your hair done, your nails done, your makeup done, your every day bible study completed, be on time all the time, write everything down in your child's baby book, take pictures of your child at the proper intervals and don't miss one, be an AMAZING cook, keep your child's scrap book up to date, can, garden and have no weeds, help out at church, be available for your husband whenever he needs you, dress your child in style, have all your cupboards and closets organized, etc, etc? Then you might have PS, but you are probably also a mom.

This may sound kinda funny and i do tend to make fun of it at times. This whole perfectionism thing.

But it really isn't. To always feel this drive and need to be perfect in EVERYTHING is exhausting.

To literally figure out that you grinding your teeth while you sleep is probably because you are so stressed out about a dirty house? That is not funny. And believe me, it is also painful.

Perfectionism is a punishing master. It pushes you to be your best, which is good and often helps you to accomplish more then you would on your own. But it pushes you beyond that until you are spread so thin you can't do anything well, and you are constantly exhausted and have no energy for your family and then you are tortured because of that very fact. You get stuck in a vicious circle where you push yourself beyond exhaustion to try to cross everything off your list and have everything clean, clean, CLEAN! And then you are so exhausted you can't keep up with clean, clean, CLEAN so it gets dirty again, and about that time you realized you have been so exhausted you haven't had anything left for your child or husband. So in the end you are left with: EXHAUSTED-DIRTY HOUSE-NO ENERGY FOR LOVED ONES. When you are driven to be seen as the Mom-who-has-it-all-together-and-still-manages-to-make-homemade-from-scratch-cupcakes-whenever-the-class-needs-them and then you find yourself getting upset when you accomplish this amazing feat and you realize it makes your friends feel inferior and alienates them when all you want to do is make yourself feel better and to fulfill this perfectionism compulsion? That is ugly.

I don't know why i am like this. I know i can't be perfect, because i mess up all the time. And i know in my head that only God can never mess up, and the only way i can ever come close to perfectionism is by living in the Holy Spirit as much as possible all the time. Only when i surrender myself wholly and let God be in control will life on earth ever come CLOSE to perfectionism. I know, that i know, that i know this.

But somehow i still don't know it enough, because i can't put it into practice.

People say you need to lower your expectations. Tell that to my perfectionism. I tried that and all i got for it was a filthy house that drove me so nuts i ended up with a aching sore jaw, an unfulfilled husband, a cranky lonely daughter, guilt, and probably a dentist bill.

Why can't i just let it go? Other moms seem unconcerned with how their houses look, at least it doesn't drive them to grinding their teeth. And i am not saying they don't care, they just can let it go. (Sigh) Oh to be able to just not care.

So there. I have said it. I have revealed my biggest problem, my biggest weakness. Now hopefully i can finally start getting over it.

Perfectionism syndrome. It really should be a disease.

Powerful Mops

Today i felt like posting about being thankful.

What spurred this on was my MOPS meeting last Thursday, and i didn't get a chance to post about it because friday was so overwhelmingly bad i had to post about IT instead.

But my group of friends is so very great.

After a long and stressful day it was so refreshing, relaxing and fun to sit around with other women, mommies, good friends and acquaintances and just share stories, laugh, cry and make some Christmas goodies. I just felt so refreshed and recharged when i left.

And that got me thinking how often we forget our own needs because we are so wrapped up in taking care of the needs of others: Our husbands needs, our kids needs, the needs of every day life, work, cleaning, cooking, plus all the extra mile stuff that makes us feel like "super mommies" that we try and fit in just to make our lives more hectic.

But thursday night on the way home from MOPS i realized how important it is to have some "ME" time as well and take care of some of my needs. Because as i was driving home, not only was i thankful for the sweet companionship i enjoyed, but though i was tired i felt recharged, and ready to tackle all my to do lists and to make a renewed effort to do better in areas i had slipped. And all because a few women got together and shared stories.

That is pretty powerful if you ask me!

Snow Day Busyness!

So, you remember that snow day last week that we all had because we woke up to 10 inches of snow on the ground? It was the most snow I remember seeing at one time here, but i still kept busy inside though i didn't go to work. Here is what i did:







It looks WAY better when you can see all the lights. I just love coming home in the evenings and plugging in all the lights and listening to some Bing Crosby christmas music! Its the essence of the holiday's to me :)

But i have to leave you with this sweet picture of our adorable little one:

I bet you can guess how long it took me to clean that up! :)

The Great Shrink of 2010

In the year 2010, i have shrunk.

Yes, shrunk.

No i did not find the Honey I Shrunk the Kids shrinking machine. And though i am getting older, i don't think i am to the age where you shrink every year.

But to start out with, I grew in 2009.

Yes, grew.

I gained 55 pounds!

Of course i should mention that in 2009 I had a baby.

So of course in 2010 i would shrink!

But i am actually talking about shrinking in different terms then baby weight. Perhaps i should start at the beginning?

So, in 2009, as I have said, I grew. Because i got pregnant. In the beginning of my pregnancy i asked my doctor how much i should gain and she said "Oh between 35-40 pounds!" Well, i was expecting to here 25-30 so when i heard 35-40 that seemed like an insane impossible weight that there was no way i would ever gain that much! So i wasn't as careful as i should have been and i gained 55 pounds! There is the growing in 2009. Luckily i lost a good 25 pounds right after my daughters birth in December of 2009, but i was left with another 25-30 to loose. This started the great shrink of 2010. I worked very, VERY hard to shrink this year. I completed one whole round of P90X (which if you don't know what that is, it is an extremely intense and difficult workout regime that is 90 days long and you do 6 days a week 1 1/2 hours per day. Three out of the 10 workouts you rotate through all you do for an hour and a half is push ups/squats, push ups/pull ups, or a variation of all three. That is what P90X is. Intense!) and then part of another round. I also tried very hard to eat sort of healthy, though this was difficult because i was also paranoid about not getting enough calories for breastfeeding.

So that is the first reason that 2010 became the year of the shrink. The second reason is my feet. Yes, my feet.

When i first got pregnant i remember being slightly horrified that there was the possibility that my feet might grow, permanetely, during the pregnancy and i would have to get all new shoes. I really did not want my feet to grow for two reasons: #1 i didn't want to have to get all new shoes, though this was mainly a money issue as what woman would be upset about having to buy new shoes?!? (especially when the ones you have aren't particularly special or nice), and #2 i just didn't want bigger feet. I had size 7.5 feet, which is a nice size for a girl, not so big that you get big feet jokes and not so small that you have to shop in the kiddie section and never have "grown up" shoes. True, that size 7.5 is either in high demand or low demand, because there are never that size available, either due to so many people have that size, or no one does so they order 4. Now i was not so concerned about my feet growing as one of my dear friends was who has about 90 pairs of shoes, and all very nice and rather expensive, but it was a concern nonetheless.

However, this brings me to the great shrink.

Much to my surprise, I am convinced now that my pregnancy caused my feet to shrink. Yes, shrink.

Because about 2 months ago, when i went to buy my first pair of shoes since having my daughter, i grabbed a size 7.5, happy that they actually had my size, and wa la. They were huge! So i tried a 7, still too big, only to walk out of the store with a size 6.5. Yes, 6.5! I thought maybe this was just a fluke, since they were peep toe, so maybe my feet were sliding down or something. All my shoes at home seem to fit ok! But then my husband bought me snowboots for my birthday. He bought me size 7, because that is what i told him and that was the size of my cowgirl boots. Guess what size i ended up with? A size 6! Size 6! That is tiny! Now granted the boots could also be a fluke, since boot sizes seem to run differently then other shoe sizes. And since all of my other shoes from pre-pregnancy seem to fit, and it also seems impossible for feet to actually SHRINK, i could still be wrong.

But it feels like i am not. It feels like my feet shrunk.

And i kinda like it

Traditions

Well today i was going to post about quiet time/nap time, all the jobs of mommies, or something else equally thrilling that is occupying my thoughts today. Like how somehow my cherished (and expensive) cashmere sweater my sister got me for Christmas a few years back came out of the wash with a huge hole in the back and caused a minor emotional crisis. But then i read one of my dear friends blogs and my thoughts took a decided shift. Probably a much more interesting and positive shift for those who may read this post.

You see this friend of mine is very, very creative. She makes so many homemade gifts and things all year long, she makes me feel a little bit unambitious! Every year she makes these adorable ornaments for her kids and friends and this post was about that, as well as other Christmas traditions.

That got me thinking. I think that part of why I love Christmas so much is how it is so rich with family traditions. So I thought i would share some of ours with you.

When i was a small child one of my favorite traditions took place Christmas Eve. You see, our couch in our living room had a hide-a-bed. And every Christmas on Christmas Eve night (probably until our teen years when all three of us could not longer fit on the hide-a-bed) us three kids would sleep on the hide-a-bed with the Christmas tree lights on. This would assure that the MOMENT we woke up we could see what was in our stockings! This also made it very tricky for our poor parents to get the stuff put INTO our stockings, but we didn't know that part. :)

When we would wake up on Christmas morning our breakfast would always be homemade Sticky Buns and Eggnog. True, it was a lot of sugar so early in the morning, but it was Christmas!

At both of our family gatherings (though they are much more numerous now) we would read the Christmas story, often from Luke and sometimes my dad would just quote it from memory. I find that now i can also quote many parts of it and it always makes me pause in a reverent and hushed way and just be awed at what happened so many years ago that we celebrate now in the holiday called Christmas.

Another of our kids favorite things was the decorating for Christmas. This always took place the day after Thanksgiving as any Christmas decorations or music played before this day was nigh unto a sin (at least according to my dad!) The decorating was definitely fun and looked forward to, but it was really putting the ornaments on the tree that we so looked forward to. I'm sure my mother viewed it with certain dread as we all fought over who hung what ornament and if we all got to hang the same amount. But in spite of the jockeying for hanging our favorite ornaments, we looked forward to it none the less.

One tradition i have not managed to continue each year is watching some of our favorite Christmas movies. It is just not the same to watch them alone rather then with my sister and my mom. Some of our favorites were Rudolph, A White Christmas, Its A Wonderful Life, The Little Drummer Boy the original The Grinch Stole Christmas and my mom and sister always made me watch Frosty the Snowman with them!

Another thing I looked forward to as a kid was the goodie bags. These were, i believe, my grandmother's inventions, probably brought on by the large number of grandkids she had. Each of us 13 grandkids got a goodie bag on Christmas Eve at our Christmas celebration and these soon replaced actual gifts. Though i never remember being upset that a goodie bag was my gift. They were so much fun and filled with nuts, small candies, an orange, and other small things that so delight younger children, and really made it feel like you were getting more then one gift. I remember getting chewing gum, chapstick, small lotions, pencils, toothbrush, mini items of almost any nature, etc.

As us cousins have gotten older we have done away with gifts and now just get together to spend time with family, eat and play games. We have played many entertaining games, some of the favorites being Picture Phone and Bible Charades. The site of your 18 year old male cousin pretending to be Mary and give birth to baby Jesus is just priceless!

Now that i am married, i have been thinking a lot about starting some of our own traditions. I would like for my husband and I to decorate the tree together every year, and we did this year, though i am not certain that he really enjoys this particular "tradition". I have been thinking of if i want to continue the sticky bun for breakfast tradition or make something else. I have also inherited some traditions from my "new" family. One of my favorites is having breakfast with my in-laws and some of our dear friends, who thanks to a recent marriage are now legal family, on Christmas Eve morning. Though this year it will be a little sad, as my Father-in-law is no longer part of this tradition, nor is the family restaurant where we had this breakfast for so long. Still, family will always be present, and i am looking forward to our Christmas Eve breakfast nevertheless.

One of my favorite traditions from earliest childhood that i still carry on is the annual Christmas baking! Every year my mom would let us kids pick one or two of our favorite christmas treats and she would get the things for them and then throughout the month we would help her make all these wonderful treats! We would save some for all of us to enjoy and then the rest we would package up into goodie plates that we would give to our family and friends. This goodie plates idea is something that i am finally able to do this year and i am pretty excited about it!

Another tradition that i am finally able to carry on this year is the Christmas letter! My mother was wonderful with ours and rather then the boring list of 'things we did this year' she created a story out of it. She gave us all different names and made quite a creative letter out of it. So in an effort to create something more then just a boring Christmas letter, i have done the same this year. I tried to come up with my own styling and characters so that it didn't seem i just copied her ideas, and we are also including a Christmas card with our families picture! I am quite excited to send these out!

I hope to come up with some other traditions for our new little family to follow so that one day my daughter and any other children God blesses us with can look back and think pleasantly of all the Christmas traditions they remember as kids, and maybe pass them on to their own children.

A History Lesson

Six years ago on December 4th, i married my best friend.

I can hardly believe that it has been that long!

When i look back on all that has transpired since our wedding day, i have to concede that it has been 6 years, because so much has happened in that time. But it still in some ways feels like yesterday.

And then i try to start remembering things from our dating days, or even our wedding, and i am surprised at how many hole i have in my memory. Things you thought you would never forget, like how your first kiss was, or how he asked you out, or even how he proposed to you and what happened. I could not remember all the details of how he proposed and i was quite shocked!

I am so thankful for the wonderful man that i was given to be my husband. Marriage has taught me so many things and it has made me a better person. I have enjoyed the last 6 years, and can't wait to see what the next 6 years bring! I hope someday to be able to post on my blog that we have been married for 60 years!

Many people would say we married to young. I was 19 and my husband was 20. I had just graduated from highschool and my husband was halfway through his 20 months of tech school. We had little money and a low range apartment in one of the worst areas of Phoenix, AZ. We had a 1990 Nissan Sentra with too many miles and a 1976 Chrysler LeBaron that was barely worth the $300 bucks we paid for it. We moved me down to Phoenix 4 days after our wedding, it was our first big road trip as a married couple and i had saved all the money from my summer babysitting job so that we would have enough to make the trip. We lived off PB&J, ramen noodle and mac and cheese. We were poor, but we were so happy!

In spite of all the difficulties i remember just reveling in just being in the presence of my husband. We enjoyed driving around Phoenix for entertainment. Occasionally we would rent a movie and we would frequently hang out with my cousin, who was also going to college there. The weather was beautiful, 65-75 every day and sunny 99.9% of the time. It was December and i rarely needed a jacket! My husband's boss at work was wonderful and really took us under his wing. They were our surrogate family while we were there and invited us for parties, Christmas and Thanksgiving.

We have moved up quite a bit in the world's eyes now. We have a 2003 Chevy Lumina with power windows and locks! We also have a really old dodge pickup, 2 snowmobiles and a trailer, 2 derby cars (LOL!), a dirt bike, our own house, a computer and we no longer live on ramen noodle, though we still buy it and enjoy it against all odds! We have a beautiful daughter and a good life.

But all of that stuff really doesn't mean much to me. What means a lot is all the memories my husband and i have created in our six years of marriage, our daughter, our family and friends, all the things we have learned and every way that i have grown in the last 6 years, how much closer i am to God and my relationship with my husband.

So to the next 6 years, here i come. I am ready for what you are about to bring to us, the good and the bad. I have my husband and my God and i am ready!

The Monster Blog Post

It is rather curious that sometimes i have a ton of stuff to blog about and sometimes i don't! There will be times i want to blog about SOMETHING so bad and find that i have nothing interesting to write about, or i just can't think of the words. Then other times i have several ideas written on my to do list (so that i don't forget) and i am flooded with ideas!

This is one of those times. I have so many words and so many things i want to blog about that i just can't hold them all in! So prepare yourself for a giant blog post, and probably a slightly unorganized one!

Six years ago tomorrow, i married my dear husband. It was a happy and exciting time so i was really quite astonished when several weeks later my husband declared that i was grinding my teeth while i was sleeping! Weird, i didn't feel stressed out or upset so why was i grinding my teeth? To my immense relief, it was short lived (and good thing for my teeth too! I would wake up with such pain in my jaw and my teeth! It is very frustrating to be doing something you can't stop but you don't want to be doing it).

But throughout the years, when things are particularly busy or stressful or I am worried about something, i will start to grind my teeth again. Recently it has started up again, much to my dismay as i don't know what to do about what is stressing me out and how to fix it so that i will stop clenching my jaw (as my husband informs me i am doing this time). Now i wake up with pain in my jaw and along my cheek bones. Lovely.

Then we come to sick kids.

You know, when you are a kid you just don't think about how gross it must be for your parents to clean up after you when you are sick. I remember hearing stories of how each of us three kids, at one time or another, threw up while we were asleep, stayed asleep and then somehow my parents realized we were sleeping in our own vomit and had to wake us up and clean it all up. Now doesn't that just sound like fun? I am sure if you are a parent you have done this before, or if you haven't, i am sure you will someday just so you know. Me, i got a little bit of practice in before hand since i babysat every summer in highschool. I watched 3 little girls and their handicapped brother (who oddly enough became my cousins by marriage! Isn't it funny how God works?) Any way, i remember one time in particular when the youngest little girl, she was probably five at the time, informed me she was going to throw up. Oh yeah. So as we were hurrying to the bathroom, boom. It hit her right there in the middle of the kitchen and splat. Vomit from two feet above the floor hit the hardwood and splat. I had vomit spread and splashed and spattered all over the kitchen. It was fun :) All of this to say, Monday this week my husband and i were getting ready for bed and i kept smelling something. It smelled like our daughters stinky diapers and i began trying to figure out if there was one smelling it up in the garbage or something. I couldn't find anything so i dismissed it and continued getting ready for bed. Then our daughter started fussing. Oh great, of course she had to start fussing right as we were getting in bed. It is almost as if she has a radar and decides to be noisy when mommy and daddy need sleep. Normally she goes back to sleep fairly quickly though, so we got in bed to wait it out. But she kept fussing and fussing. Finally we decided i should go check on her and see if something is wrong. Especially because her cry just didn't sound like her usual fussy cry. As i walked in i saw she was sitting up and i touched her to lay her down and EWWW! She was covered in vomit, her bed was covered in vomit and her sheep was covered as well. The poor thing was so upset she didn't understand what was going on. So at 11pm i took a bath with our distraught daughter to get her cleaned up while my husband got the duty of taking care of all the bedding. I felt so bad for her, cause you could just tell she was scared cause she didn't know what happened. Plus she was tired and didn't feel good and we took away her sheep. Poor thing. So i think we are officially broken in to this whole parenting thing!

Now on to more fun things to blog about.......

Have i said how much i just love this Christmas season? I am so excited because today i am going grocery shopping (not excited about the grocery shopping) but because i am getting all the ingredients to make our Christmas goodies! I think this is one of my favorite parts of the holidays. I am a baker at heart and i love to bake treats and make candies and goodies (it's amazing i don't weigh more then i do!). But i am especially excited this year because i get to make goodie plates for our friends! This is something that i grew up doing, as my mom would do it for many of our friends and family. I have always wanted to and this year we finally are! I am making peppernuts, an absolutely fabulous and tiny traditional German Christmas cookie that has been passed down through our family from our german ancestors. I am also making fudge, truffles, pumpkin chocolate chip cookies (surprisingly good and sinfully moist, these are the only cookies i make that don't seem to turn out so crunchy), pumpkin roll (my husbands personal favorite, i think he can eat a whole one at one sitting!) and caramel. I tried out making caramel a few years ago and it was so easy and SO good i have included it every year since! Though the cutting and wrapping the little squares is time consuming, it is totally worth it, and everyone loves it!

Another thing i also enjoy is decorating for Christmas. Since my husband has to decorate our entire TOWN for Christmas because of his job, it is usually pretty hard to get him to decorate with me at home, and i don't hardly blame him! :) But last night we were able to put up and decorate the tree together. And it was so much fun! We really enjoyed the time together, and our puny little plastic tree looks pretty good with all the lights and ornaments on it. Normally I am a die hard real tree person, and think it is nigh on criminal to put up a fake Christmas tree. But because of space limitations in our tiny living room, and because we have a little person who likes to put everything in her mouth, we decided to use the fake tree that was given to us several years back. It will work, but next year i intend to have a real tree!

I know there is still more rolling around in my head, as i can hear all the thoughts and blog posts clinking together up there, but i just don't have the energy to form anymore cohesive thoughts. And my dear little one year old is just waking up from her nap. Time to be a mommy again!

Happy Birthday

A year ago today, our precious little girl was born!

I remember being so excited to finally see her. During the whole pregnancy that was one of the things we said the most was "I can't wait to see what she looks like!"

I remember thinking how beautiful she was with her dark hair and eyes and her dark skin. I was prepared to have a baby covered in gross stuff, but she was actually pretty clean! I remember noticing how chubby she was for a newborn and already had roles! (Though they couldn't possibly compare to the rolls she packed on shortly after birth!)

I remember how she was such a good eater from the beginning and how she was so snuggly. I remember thinking it was weird that it felt so natural to have a baby and that we would be taking her home and that when she cried i needed to feed her. i thought it should feel strange at least for awhile and it didn't!

I remember being surprised when the nurse called out that she was 8 pounds 8 ounces! I had always thought i would have an average to small size baby. I am a small person, my mom is small, she had mostly small babies, i was a small baby and so was my husband. So i never even thought it was a possibility for me to have a baby over 8 pounds!

I remember being so excited that i could sleep on my tummy again! I am a stomach sleeper and being pregnant was hard in the sleeping department. I had insomnia on top of my other pregnancy symptoms and my back only seemed to hurt when i was laying on my side trying to sleep. So i remember even right after i had her and they had just got us settled in bed that i rolled to my stomach and thought "Yes!"

And now it has already been a year! I can hardly believe it because in many ways that day seems like just yesterday. And now she is a big girl, almost walking, with cute little pig tails and lots of things to tell everyone! She still likes to snuggle, and i am thankful for that, and she definitely still likes to eat!

My dear little girl, one year ago you came into this world, and I am so glad you did. You have brightened I and Daddy's life and you are so precious! We enjoy your chattering, watching you change and grow and how you enjoy life and the family and friends you have around you. We love you very much! And on this important and special day, the day of your birth, we say Happy Birthday Little Princess! You have our hearts forever

Let it Snow!

This morning this is what i woke up to. Nearly a foot of snow and it was still coming down! This is the most snow i ever remember getting in this part of the state, so it was a little exciting! Because the roads where so bad i stayed home and have enjoyed a quite day cleaning, doing laundry and soon i will be putting up Christmas decorations! My husband came home and had lunch with us and took Gwen out to see the snow. She was fascinated and so loved being in daddy's arms. Hope that you are all safe and warm today!

My dear mommy also gave me something to think about: i am having a much more pleasant day today then i was last year on this day, as i was in labor with Gwen. I still can't believe that she will be one year old tomorrow!

So as i enjoy this cozy snow day and ponder this year, last year and the years to come, i can't help but be thankful for my warm house, my happy little girl and my Lord who has given us so much to be thankful for and so much to look forward to this Christmas season and forever!

Musings from a wandering Mind

As i sit here watching the snow coming down outside, i want to knit.

But i don't have the stuff for knitting, so i have been doing the next best thing: planning all the projects i WANT to knit!

I received a fabulous book of patterns for my birthday this past week called "The Itty Bitty Nursery". It has fired up my imagination and i have visions of knitting an entire tea set for my daughter for her birthday next year. And this coming from someone who has only knit dishrags and scarves.

Oh dear.

I originally wanted this book for a absolutely adorable blanket pattern that has blocks of color and stripes and circles that would be a good step up for me to learn, me who has only done dish rags and scarves.

But alas, it is Christmas time, so my "extra" money is going to Christmas gifts. Which i have had fun picking out by the way! It is so much more fun to pick out gifts when you aren't worried about how you can afford them :)

So i have been browsing my new favorite website, www.knitpicks.com all day. Picking out colors and weights and figuring out how much my various projects will cost me. And i am excited to get a project going in January. I have two friends with babies due in the spring, so maybe i will be able to knit the blanket in the neutral, girlie and boyish palette's i picked out!

And i might just get crazy and knit a toy for my nephew for THIS Christmas, but we will see. That might be taking it a bit too far.

I really love watching the snow come down, though i have had the drive home on my mind as i have watched it wisping around out there. It isn't much, but probably just enough to be icy.

I love Christmas time, probably because of all the domestic things i get to do like:

Decorating

Baking

Candy Making

Gift Making

Gift Shopping

Gift Wrapping

Decorating the Christmas Tree

Bing Crosby singing White Christmas on my radio

Watching Christmas movies like A White Christmas, Its A Wonderful Life, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, The Little Drummer Boy, How the Grinch Stole Christmas and new favorites like Elf, The Nativity and The Grinch.

I love how families come together more during Christmas and there are always nice things to eat and drink, spicy, hot and sweet. I love how the season turns my thoughts to the Christmas story and just makes my heart ponder how it was.

And i would love to continue my ponderings and all the thoughts i was going to put down, but now i have a child crying so I have to go!

Sharing 101

Why is sharing so hard?

Me and the little 2 year old i watch have been going around and around about sharing.

You have to share with baby Gwen!

If you don't share i will take your toy away!

Let her have it!

Don't take that toy away from her!

If you can't share you will get a spanking!

It is a daily battle that is played out many times a day, sometimes resulting in sharing, most often resulting in punishment or what i like to call "reluctant sharing" or sharing that is not from the heart. This happens when he glares at me, makes a mean face and gives the toy to Gwen.

Phew! How do you deal with that one?

But you know, i was thinking today. We all know that kids have a hard time sharing, but what about adults?

I remember when i was pregnant with Gwen, i was not very good at sharing.

Sharing space in our bed? Oh no! I had pillows completely surrounding me and my poor husband had about a body's width (a skinny body, mind you) for him to sleep on. Towards the end i don't blame him for occasionally sleeping on the couch. He probably wanted more space!

Now blankets? He could have all he wanted of those! I didn't need many since i had a personal little heater keeping me warm.

Food? That was out of the question! I remember one time in particular, i think i was maybe two months into my pregnancy, and just starting to feel like i could eat again. We went to a family BBQ and i went in to get a plate of food. I came back with a plate PILED HIGH with a large helping of potatoe salad, a hamburger, a hotdog, pickles, olives and some jello salad. I walked out toward my husband and he said "Thanks babe!" I quickly followed this with, "No! This is for me, don't eat it!" He was so shocked he didn't know what to do! I think he was even more shocked when i ate it all and went back for more potatoe salad and another hot dog! It didn't take him but a few more weeks to get this scared look on his face when he opened the fridge, sure that i would have eaten all the food and left none for him.

So i definitely know when i was pregnant i was not good at sharing. But what about now? I share my bed, my sweatshirts, we share a house and two vehicles and dinner every night.

But i still think that sometimes us adults have a hard time sharing.

You would think we would be good at it since our mommies ground it into us from earliest infancy.

Maybe we shouldn't be the ones trying to teach the little kids to share!

The Last Few Weeks - In Pictures!

The kids discovered that the bath tub is an AWESOME place to play and they played in it for quite a long time, two days in a row until Gwen figured out how to turn on the water. Then mom/aunt mandy whisked them away from it in sopping wet clothes and they haven't been back since.

Even when Gwen was small she has LOVED to look at books and be read to. I think that this love of books and reading may be a life long thing.

Hanging out with her new little friend!

At one of her little friends first birthday party. All the adults thought her hat was adorable, she wasn't so sure....

Gwen's First Bubble Bath! She promptly pooped in it (for the 3rd time in the last week) and left mommy and daddy wondering how to get her to not feel like her bath time is also a good time to poop.

I'm a Big Kid Now!

My little baby girl is growing up (sniff, sniff)


In case you think i am just now noticing this, i am not. I have been lamenting the speed at which she has grown and changed and pulled away from me from the very beginning.

She started out so tiny and snuggly! She would fall asleep on me or in my arms anywhere, anytime. I would watch her sleep in my arms for HOURS! And she was so little!

But that didn't last long.

At 2 weeks old, she was already out of newborn diapers. This was my first sign that my little baby was not going to be a baby for very long. About 2 more weeks and she would no longer fall asleep anytime anywhere for me.

And the growth has just continued! From newborn diapers to size 4, laying down to sitting up to crawling to standing, to walking the furniture, to standing on her own! From newborn sizes all the way to 12-18 months. From mommy's milk, to rice cereal, to fruits and veggies, to grown up foods and whole milk. From a baby car seat, to a big girl car seat.

Now she is almost one year old. She is in 12-18 month clothes, size 3 shoes, she eats grownup food, and i just weaned her 2 days ago. And tonight i installed her big girl car seat.

I am just a little sad. Because i realized today, that it will just get worse. As she grows up and gets older she will continue to get farther and farther away from me. I will never have her as close as i have had her again. That makes me really sad.

I am thankful that she i growing and developing properly and i am excited for all of her milestones and all the new things she is learning. But i miss my baby!

And now she is gone, and even though it has been a whole year, it feels like a whole month instead. I know i will cherish the days to come and all the milestones, and i know she will still need her mommy and want to be held and snuggled. But i still need a bit of mourning time, because my baby girl is now my little girl, and she is a big kid now.

Dirty taxes and OAMC update

I hate taxes.

I think the government takes WAY too much from us poor little self-employed people, and when i start having to deal with it, it makes me grumpy.

You see, this new job is great. And all this new more money is great. Just paying the taxes on it is not so great. And i think that once again i have hurt myself by being the exception to the rule and doing "daycare" somewhere other then my house. So i can't even claim all the normal deductions that you would for watching kids at your house.

Grrrr

Did you know that self-employment tax is 15.3%? And that isn't even your income tax. I will have to pay income tax on top of my 15.3%.

I better stop talking about it or i may get a hernia.

So we are about 3 weeks into eating our first months worth of OAMC meals. And i must say i have been really enjoying not having to worry about what to make for dinner when i get home. But there have been some drawbacks:

1. The casseroles seem to take and hour to 1 1/2 hours to get warm all the way through. So wanting to do OAMC so we didn't eat dinner so late is not working. We are still eating about 6:30pm-7pm.

2. I really love/hate having my meals in tin containers. Positive: no clean up! Just throw it away! Negative: flimsy, flimsy, flimsy!

3. Some things aren't as good as i thought. Chicken enchilada's turn out a bit mushy. Really gross if you have a problem with texture. All the rolls that have to thaw and rise the night before take a lot of trickiness to make sure they cook through to the center and not burn on top. (believe me, a doughy cinnamon roll is NOT good)

4. And i actually miss cooking! I also miss eating our "normal" foods. As does my husband.

5. We have had no leftovers! I love leftovers because they are great for lunches and relieve me from having to cook every night. I had to go out and actually buy lunch stuff because we have eaten all of our freezer lunch stuff and have no leftovers. It was a sad day :(

So I have devised this plan.

I will prepare ahead of time the breakfast and lunch foods that we tried and liked from OAMC because these are VERY nice to have in the freezer and just grab on the go. I will also prepare ahead of time several of our soup recipies that we love and also some things like Beef Roast and Roasted Chicken that i can just dump in the crockpot on the day of. These suppers will comprise about half of our dinners for the month. The other half will be meals that we already eat that i will prepare the night we eat them. Why? Because these meals:

• Taste better freshly made and don't freeze well
• Only take about 1/2 hour to cook, meaning we eat dinner earlier then eating a frozen meal (its the soups that take the longest, hence i make them before hand)
• This will satisfy my need to cook, and we will eat meals that we are familiar with and enjoy

I am hoping this will give us the convenience of having meals in the freezer to pull out on nights we don't want to cook (plus soup reheats fast so this solves the late dinner problem), lunches and breakfasts also in the freezer to pull out when needed and then a variety of quickly cooking suppers to cook the rest of the time. I think it will work quite well, and be more tailored to my family and our needs/wants. Plus this should greatly shorten my cooking day :) Oh, and did i mention that we will have leftovers and i am still doing this for around $180? I am rather excited!

After figuring this all out i thought it funny that i have never thought of this before. It seems so common sense now, but it never even crossed my mind to make meals ahead and freeze them. Not in this way anyway. Funny how you have to try something sometimes before you see the sense in it!

Blessed With Greatness

When i was a kid, we didn't go on vacation much. At least not what you would consider a vacation. I remember going camping at least once every summer, and that was our vacation. We loved to go camping and fishing and just be able to roast hot dogs over a fire and make smores.

But every couple of years we would take the long drive to Kansas.

Why Kansas you may say? That is a good question, because it is a LONG way! Imagine being with your brother and sister in the back seat of a car for 2 consecutive 14-16 hour days and 1400 miles and you can see why this might not seem like much of a "vacation."

But it was and the reason we went, well, it made it all worth the drive.

You see, when i was a kid, and really not all that long ago, all four of my great grandparents (that's right i said GREAT) were still alive. And they lived in kansas. Because that's where my mom's family is from.

We would alternate half of our visit at Grandma Verda and Grandpa Luther's in the city and Nanny and Papaw's farm in the country. We loved to play the organ at Grandma Verda's and "swim" in her old tin bathing tub in the back yard. We would play games and always eat lots of good food. At night me and wendy got to sleep on the hide a bed that was in the black shiny couch in the den.
Out in the country we loved to "get lost" in the shelter belt and find birds and insects and make play houses in the trees and pretend we were exploring. We would slide down the wood floor hallway in our socks, fight over the pink and blue rooms (they were literally pink and blue, and poor shane usually got the pink), play Pick up Sticks in the living room, cook on the fascinating gas stove, shane would ride with Papaw in the big Combine and all three of us kids would try to beat each other's times on the old exercise bike on the porch.

My great grandparents are very dear to my heart, and have been a very important and real presence in my life. We lost Grandpa Luther in 1999 when i was about 13. We lost Grandma Verda last year, while i was pregnant with her first Great Great grandchild. We still have Nanny and Papaw here and they are actually here with us now too as last summer my dad and little brother helped move them to Eagle, ID where they live with my grandparents now.

Through all of this, i have always been thankful, proud and somewhat comforted by the fact that we haven't really LOST them at all. They are in perfectly working amazing bodies in heaven with God and we will see them again. But it is still sad.

Just this week we had to take Papaw to the hospital. He is 97 now and a slight fall onto his bottom was causing him so much pain he could not get out of bed. We found out he has fractured 2 vertebrae and there is talk he may not be mobile again.

This is so sad to me, as i know that losing mobility is the beginning of the end, and though he has had many good years on this earth, i selfishly am not ready to think about giving him up. Especially when i know that should he die, Nanny would soon follow. They are that old couple you want to be someday. Still so much in love.

I just could not stop thinking of all the things they and I would miss out on: Sitting around the table for thanksgiving, watching Gwen, their first and only Great Great grandchild turn one, Christmas together around the tree, etc.

But i should be thankful for all the years God has given them to be with us. All 97! I am sure they are both anxious in so many ways to go home to be with the Lord, and they have said it several times. We are old, and tired. Our bodies don't work right anymore, we are ready to go home.

All of this has made me rather nostalgic. And i have been reflecting on how blessed i have been, for many people never know their great grandparents and sometimes not even their grandparents. My daughter someday will be able to look back at pictures of her with her Great Great grandparents and know how much they loved her! So, you see, i am blessed. Blessed with Greatness. For my great grandparents truly are great.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Tired.



Tired, tired, tired, tired.


That's how i can describe my days the last two weeks.



Oh and, tired, tired, tired, flu, tired, tired.


Lets just say my body clock and me are having a hard time reconciling times with the nasty alarm clock embedded in my phone. We are just not jiving and i was honestly beginning to despair that i would have to live out my remaining days on earth always feeling this tired (you know my mom always said she always felt tired after she had kids, maybe this was what she meant......)

Thankfully i talked to a dear friend of mine who was able to reassure me and give me some hope: there would be light at the end of the tunnel, my body will adjust, and i will NOT always feel this tired.

Thank goodness because if this was how life was going to feel for forever, then i don't think i am so in love with life anymore.


Having to go to bed at 8:30 so i don't turn comatose before 6pm? No thank you!

Getting the flu and always feeling like you are on the verge of getting sick? Please no!!

Always having a dirty house? God forbid!

Never having any energy for my husband or little girl? Totally not okay!

So you can imagine my relief when told, it will take some time, longer then the two weeks you have given it, but you will adjust.

Whew!

So other then debilitating exhaustion and a miserable 2 days with the flu, the last two weeks have been fairly good. I feel like i am falling into a rythm with the boys that is working. I think i am starting to get this potty training thing figured out (i hope so anyway), I am enjoying playing with the kids and i have managed to keep a fairly clean house. The weekends have been a little tough because that's when i should be catching up around the house and instead i have spent time with family. But still not a bad trade off :)

Life is pretty good, and it will be even better when i don't have to follow my daughters sleeping schedule! :)

A Picture Catch Up

Me and Gwen at our church harvest party as Pebbles and Wilma.

The kids at Winco during our OAMC shopping day :)

Gwen and Nana D just having fun!

Mommy and Gwen at our SECOND mother-daughter tea this year!

You can bet Daddy loved this picture!

My cute piggy tails!

We found out that Gwen LOVES spaghetti!

Uncle Shane introducing Gwen to this big animal called a horse

Blessed by work

Today was my first day at work. My first day working full time, and getting paid for it, in like 4 years.

My first time having to get up before 7:30am in like, 6 years.

And definitely my first time taking care of 3 children under the age of three.

Some may say i am crazy! I say i am blessed.



And here is why:

• I am blessed because i get to work and make money while spending all day with my daughter
• I am blessed to work for people i know and love, who know and love me back. We care about each other
• I am blessed to not have to commute to Boise or even touch the freeway, either going to work or coming home
• I am blessed to be able to go to work in sweats with no makeup if need be, and i will not get fired
• I am blessed to get 1 nap and 2 snacks a day (what else am i supposed to do while the kids nap and snack?!?)
• I am blessed to get to spend time with a sweet little baby boy all day ........ and then give him back to his mommy and go home and sleep through the night :)

• I am blessed to have a job at all, much less to be making twice what i was making before and helping to get ourselves on a good financial foot

God has blessed me indeed! And as all other days, the first day was a little rough. It will take some time for us to get comfortable with each other and develop a routine. It will take awhile for me to remember to check clothes after naps to see if we had an accident and to suggest visiting the restroom frequently. It will take time to get a feel for that sweet baby boys hunger cues, sleep cues, and just plain out cranky cues! It will take time for him to develop a schedule and for me to recognize it.

But we will get there. And as i said, i am blessed.

Cooking Day

I did it.


I finally, actually completed my first cooking day in the experiment of Once A Month Cooking!


Our OAMC adventure began on friday. Our little group of 3 mommies and 4 1/2 kids embarked on this adventure around 10am. Thankfully I was equipped with a steamy, flavorful and CAFFEINATED coffee, as the day turned out to be more then just long!

First we met up at Costco and proceeded to carefully price check and re-check the things that were on our grocery lists. We settled on some small purchases such as 12 lbs of cheddar cheese (me), 5 lbs of pork chops (me), 12 more lbs of cheddar cheese (my 2 friends) nearly 200 gallon ziploc freezer bags (which we almost completely used up) and a few miscellaneous items. We were actually surprised at how few things were actually a deal at Cosco (we had Winco's prices with us). Though we did find out later that some of the meat had been cheaper at Cosco.

By the time we left Cosco it was noon. We asked the kids who could talk if they were hungry and they said no, and us mommies weren't real hungry either so we thought (or more like didn't think!) "Lets eat after we are done at Winco". We all agreed and foraged on to Winco were we were getting the bulk of our groceries.

Now, Winco is remodeling right now, which added to our frustrations as we didn't know where anything was, and, strangely enough, it was rather busy for a friday afternoon. So after much goings back and forth, consultations discussing whether the list meant this or that and buying what we felt was exorbitant amounts of food (8lbs of fresh green beans, 20lbs of onions, and 19lbs of frozen chicken breasts, just to name a few) we exited Winco around 2pm with 2 VERY full shopping carts, 4 cranky hungry kids and 3 grumpy, tired and hungry mommies who were beginning to wonder if this whole thing was a mistake.

Thankfully the local McDonalds received us with open arms and only minimal incompetence and to cheers of "Fries!" and "Nuggets!" we dumped our selves, our kids and our stuff in a booth and just kinda stared into space, like zombies. Even the kids were pretty quiet. We parted ways about 3:30pm that afternoon to the depressing news that our biggest day was ahead of us: our cooking day. And reminders to meet at 8am at our church.

So the cooking day begins! We quickly became organized, impressively so, and we should have brought camera's because we COVERED all the gobs of counters we had in our church kitchen. We were moving and shuffling things around to find work space. We started in gung ho on all of our chopping and prep work. By 1pm, we were finally done with that and starting to realize this may be a bigger job then we anticipated! Thanks goodness for food processors though! So weary and hungry we took a few minutes to grab a bite to eat and pressed on. We were still pretty positive at this point, because, after all, the website we got all our info from said that cooking day takes between 8-10 hours. So we figured the prep was what would take the longest and now it would go quickly and we might even be home for dinner!

Oh how wrong we were.


I guess we didn't take into account that one crazy person (me) was making TWO families meals for a month and had not thought of trying to get someone to be my partner just to come help with the work. And how being 20 weeks pregnant may slow you down a bit (my friend) and that maybe this type of a thing might be a bit too much to take on.



So nearly 10 hours later, at 10:45pm with help from one of our husbands and our pastor and his wife, we were finally done, the kitchen was clean and we had a months worth of food for FOUR families bulging out of our church freezers. We stumbled out the door, some vowing in their hearts that not cooking for a month better make it worth such a long day.


Now that i have rested, and had some food i feel i have a clearer picture on the whole thing:

1. We needed more help! A fifth person just to wash dishes or to fill in where our preggers can't would have made the difference.

2. It was our first time so we were unsure, had to read recipies and instructions A LOT, got confused frequently and also forgot or did not get enough of key ingredients. We decided we needed to be more thourough preparing for our grocery shopping day to solve this problem.

3. I should have had a partner! I don't know why i thought i could do it all myself but it was ludicrous and prideful, and next time i will have a partner!

4. We could never do more then 4 families meals at a time. We just didn't have enough counter space, oven space, freezer space, or bowls to hold prepped items. It just would not work!

5. We needed to plan ahead lunch and dinner and make sure we took water breaks, rest breaks and potty breaks to break up the monotony and make the day less tiring.

6. Personally, i decided that using tin foil pans just is not going to work for me. They fill flimsy, they are too shallow, and i think i could easily get enough regular pans to do the job. If not, i can always use more freezer bags.

So will we do it again? Even though the memory of our cooking day is still a little ugly, i have already tasted the beauty of not having to cook or worry about what to cook. This morning i popped a bacon quiche into the oven and when i got out of the shower we had a delicious and hearty breakfast that i didn't have to even think about! For lunch we baked and ham, cheese and potatoe casserole and while it was cooking i was able to play with my daughter and snuggle on the couch with my husband, instead of slaveing away in the kitchen. And right now i have pizza soup thawing in the fridge for tomorrow night, when all i will have to do is come home, heat it up and add some noodles! So in answer, YES, i think i will do it again. I am hoping that these meals will last us closer to 6 weeks, so that i don't have a weekend like that every month. But i think it will get better, we will get more efficient and i will get a partner!

Once a month cooking. Do i love it or hate it?


I will keep you posted on that one :)

Good/Bad Books

Have you ever read a book that is good and bad at the same time? What i mean is, it is soooooooo good that in spite of trying your hardest to have self control you can not put it down to do the things that need done and that you are supposed to be doing? This is why it is a good/bad book. Sooo good that it consumes every day because you can't stop reading, and so bad because you get nothing done.

I am in the grip of one of those books.



Actually a series of those books.



Uh-oh. I am in trouble.



Did i mention that i have 1 week, actually 3 days now until I start a full time job that will keep me from home all day 5 days a week? And that i have a gargantuan to do list that i am trying to complete before then?



And now i am stuck in the middle of a series that has been devouring my every waking moment and making me most unproductive.



Like i said, Uh-oh, i am in trouble!


Now if you don't have anything to do (ha ha!) and you want to read some books that devour your time, or maybe you want time to go faster, then i highly recommend reading the books i have been reading.

They are by Beverly Lewis and the series is called Abram's Daughters. The books (yes, plural) i have read in the last couple of days are books one-three of the series entitled "The Covenant", "The Betrayal" and "The Sacrifice". To my greatest chagrin our church library stops there and i will have to wait until i can purchase the final two books "The Prodigal" and "The Revelation" before i can find out what happens to the Ebersol family. These books have in turn made me want to shout for joy for it's characters and weep with them when it was time to weep. I can't remember the last time i have been so taken with a book and felt i saw myself so clearly in its characters. The struggles they go through make me want to cry for them.

So if that doesn't convince you to read them, i don't know what will.

But i warn you, you better have a lot of time on your hands.

Or much better self control then i possess!

Hunting 102

Things to do when hunting:

1. Always be looking for deer
2. If your partner is looking on the right, you should be looking on the left
3. BE QUIET!
4. Pay attention to hand signals, even if you don't know what they mean
5. Always be mindful of where your gun is pointing. If it is raining you have to carry it in a way
that protects your scope lens from getting wet. Unless you don't want to be able to see out of
your scope.
6. Always go to the bathroom before you leave!
7. Always wear one more layer then you think you will need. You will be glad of it later.

Things Not to do When Hunting

1. Don't wear perfume
2. Don't complain about getting wet or cold. You will get sent home.
3. Don't talk. Unless your husband talks first
4. Don't keep walking if your partner stops walking. Even if you are way behind and need to
catch up.
5. Don't fall behind. You will get in trouble.

A Wandering Path.......or Post

Here i sit faced with a familiar dillema. A few days ago i had a great post all written in my head and then i got busy, didn't write it down and now i really want to blog, but have nothing interesting to say.

Is it funny to know that sometimes i write my blogging ideas on my to do list so that i don't forget them when i finally getting around to blogging about it?

A few days ago i went and spent most of the day with my two new little charges and their mommy. We enjoyed the time spend together and i am thankful that we have been able to do this before i start watching the two boys on my own. It is so nice to get a feel for how their parents discipline and run their daily routine. It certainly helps with the transition period.

And i must say, i am excited about my new job! Here are all the things i think i will love about it:

1. I will get to hold a cute little baby again, without having my own!
2. I don't have to be super dressed up for my new job, the kids don't care if i come in sweats sometimes.
3. I will (hopefully) be able to do some of the fun projects that i have never really had time for because i am always at home and there is always something better to do! I am looking forward to finishing the denim quilt i "started" 6 years ago, the knitted purse i started 3 years ago, and to clear out my pile of mending.
4. I am really looking forward to the friendship that me and the kids mommy are developing and i know we will continue to develop, (though i won't see her much during my "job")
5. I get to be with my baby girl, all day, every day! And i feel that since we won't be at my own house and it won't be demanding that i clean it or do this or that, i will spend more time with Gwen. And that will be good for both of us.

I am sure there will be more things i will enjoy about my new job as i get going. And just like any job there will be things i will not like. Like getting up at 6 am every morning. That will be an adjustment. And i am a little concerned about doing it right. Disciplining right and ultimately leaving a good mark on these kids in their formative years and not a bad one. But i guess that goes for any parent, i just feel the pressure more because they aren't my kids.

All in all though, i am excited for what God has planned for us with my new job and in the future.



Now i realize i have not posted about Gwen in a long time! She is doing so well and just growing much to fast! The day she learned to crawl she decided it was so much more fun to pull herself up on things. So that is what she does now. In the bath tub, on the coffee table, on the sofa, on my legs, etc. She loves to stand and be a "big girl". And much to the dismay of my mother's heart she has lost her baby look and now looks like a little girl. This i am sure is reinforced by the fact that her hair is long enough that now we must put it into two awfully cute pigtails! She has become VERY opinionated about what she eats and has gotten very good about showing you what she wants. She points at it and if you give her something else, you have a fit on your hands! She also loves pictures and will find and point at any pictures of people that she see's wherever we are and wants you to go show them to her and tell her who or what they are. She loves doing that with everything actually and this "pointing and telling" game can go on forever! She loves playing the piano at Nana's house too and you can't hardly hold her and stand by it or she will launch herself out of your arms and onto the keys! She wants to eat everything that you are eating and have a taste of it all. She really loves reading books to and will get really excited about reading her favorite one Dr. Seuss "The Foot Book". I think she will be a good reader AND be musical (at least that is what her mommy hopes!)

Trying to be Super Woman

Have you ever tried to be Super Woman?

Some days i feel like that is all i can try to do, or manage to accomplish nothing.

But let me tell you, the job of Super Woman is a rip off. If I was her, i would have quit on the first day! You get little to no thank yous or appreciation for all your hard work, your jobs undo themselves, just give it a couple of days and all the things you accomplished and finished and marked off your to do list need to be done again. You can't leave your work at work, because your home and your family is your work. It is a 24 hour job.

Lately i have really been trying to be Super Woman. Not because i want to, but because if i don't try to be her, then i can't possibly get everything done i want to do.

You see, now that i am starting this new and exciting job, i have a whole big list of things i want to get done before i start.

I want to clean out the garden, weed all our property and clean it up, finish "spring" cleaning, finish organizing and cleaning out the basement, organize my projects so i can easily take them with me to work, finish all my canning, clean out every cupboard i have not got to, wash the outside windows, clean out the car, do some touch up painting, etc., etc. Oh, and did i mention we are in hunting season right now? So i am hunting most every weekend, and if not i have Halloween parties to go to. And we are trying to hunt a couple of evenings a week too. And i have about 2 weeks until i start my new job.

I have given myself this herculean list because now i won't be home. So all the things i do that keep me busy all day long every day, i will have to do on evenings and weekends. Keeping in mind that i will want to spend time with my family and fit in other fun things during that time as well.

So you can see why i want to finish up any and all unfinished projects i have to be done around the house.

So i have been trying to be Super Woman. I quite frankly, not succeeding. It will be a miracle if i finish my to do list before November 1st!